spyked bricks in the wall

brick quote #14

Dear Mary Daisy Dinkle,

[…]

Here is a list of what I eat on the other nights. Mondays — Glicks Potato Knish, Tuesdays — Yiddels Noodle Kugel, Wednesdays — Captain Salty’s Fishstix, Thursdays — Yentls Cheezy Blintz and Fridays — chicken nuggets. On Saturday nights I create my own recipes. Last week I invented canned spaghetti hamburgers. Recipes are like mathematical equations. Dr. Bernard Hazelhof told me you should never weigh more than your refrigerator and to never eat anything bigger than your head. I once ate a watermelon bigger than my head, but not all at once. Do you have any weight loss suggestions? My Overeaters Anonymous meetings don’t seem to be working and just make me tense.

It would be good if there was a Fat Fairy. She would be a bit like the Tooth Fairy, but would suck out your fat.

[…]

People often think I am tactless and rude. I cannot understand how being honest can be… improper. Maybe this is why I don’t have any friends, of course, except for you. A real friend has been one of my three goals in life. The other two are to own every Noblet and a lifetime supply of chocolate. Dr. Bernard Hazelhof says it is good to have goals, but not stupid ones like mine.

• Mary and Max